Glebe's Shit List

An important message

2008-03-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

I received 'an important message' via a phone call from FS Lending. Since I did not know who FS Lending was and it was one of those robotic computer voices on the phone, I decided to hang up. I felt good about hanging up although I don't think it cost FS Lending enough.

I am on every Do Not Call list on the planet and I thought computer calling was illegal--or is that only for humans. I guess that makes sense, they couldn't very well put the computer in jail--or could they?

I guess I'll have my computer answer the phone from now on--perhaps I'l train it to call FS Lending and put it on hold.

Tuesday is Senior's Day at Kohl's -maybe, maybe not

2008-03-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is Senior's day at Kohls. Yes, if you are 62 or older, you get a 15% discount on Tuesdays, which is Senior's Day as I previously pointed out. Yes, Tuesday is Senior's Day--except when it's on Wednesday.

My mom went to Kohls on Tuesday expecting to but some ladies thingys and get her 15% discount. She was told that sometimes Senior's Day is on Wednesday--maybe, maybe not.

So she grabbed her walker and slowly ambled out of the store, hoping that she would be alive on Wednesday for Senior's Day--unless, of course, they decide that it's Thursday this week.

I bought furniture- it was nice

2007-12-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

Yep, at Rayless and Flanagan. A nice living room set. Custom. Took months. Came--scratches, staples exposed, mechanics broken--other than that, nice.
Called R and F-they were nice. Sent a guy to look: he looked and sent a truck to pick it up...waited..a month..maybe more.
Finally, a call--it was ready. Yes! How nice.
The truck showed up empty..ready to pick up my furniture. I explained that they had my furniture, go back, pick it up from yourself and deliver it to me. I was nice as blood ran from my eyes.

Finally (again), they came back with my furniture..at last..I could sit in my living room. Glee. :)
As checked for the repairs which, undoubtably were perfect, I found that none had been made. None. Zero.Zilch. Nada.

I sat on the floor. It was nice.

No, I do not want a Macys credit card

2007-11-16T07:47:00.000-08:00

No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card. No, I do not want a Macys credit card.
Thank you.

HD anyone?

2007-10-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

I did it. I upgraded to a full blown flat screen on the wall Hi Def and all. Yep. Bought the whole package. Every channel including News from Mars. Yep, even got HD. And, bought the full football packge --NFL and NCAA.

I sat back one lovely Sunday afternoon and anticipated watching about 14 games in HD only to discover that, even though I had purchased HD and the complete football package, my football came in the old fashioned, antiquated, out of vogue, regular TV format. Gosh, it was almost square--what if my friends and neighbors peeked through the window?

I called my friendly DIRECTV hotline and, after wading through six levels of menus and entertaining music, I was informed that I had failed to purchase the Football in HD package at a mere $99*. (*note that the specify regular season--I wonder what will happen during the playoffs?).

Trapped. I knew not what to do. So I forked over another $99.

I wonder if they will charge for color.

Continental Airlines and Underwear corp

2007-08-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

Gotta be.
I travelled five times this year--a tad high for me but nonetheless, I was fortunate enough to have lost my luggage only two of those five times. Feeling fortunate, I brought out my calculator to quantitatively assess my arithmetic good fortune. There it was: counting all trips, I had lost my luggage only 40% of the time.

I then realized that each trip was round in nature, so I recalculated and came out with a much more pleasing 20%. Twenty percent! Alas, I would need to buy new luggage and shorts only one out of every five future trips.

But before I poured a glass of congratulatory wine, I pursued a tad further and deduced that, in those trips, there were some multi legged flights, resulting in a total of 14 different planes and corresponding luggage hand offs. Recalculation: a joyous 14.3%

Then, to my further joy, I remembered that on three of those trips, my wife accompanied me for a total of 24 couple flights and a family percent of 8.3%

Yes, that would be joyous but then I remembered that a business associate accompanied me on one trip and, alas, his luggage was lost. I decided that, that was his problem and would probably appear in his very own blog.

I put my calculator away and wondered what Continental Airlines was doing with all of my shorts.

The Citibank Switcharoo

2007-08-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

Citibank, how deft thou art.
I immediately answered when I saw that Citibank was calling--thinking that I had in fact won the lottery and the money had been directly deposited into my account and they wanted to know if I wanted it in small bills or a yacht or an airplane. Alas, I digress to reality, more likely because my latest payment (which I had made, really...I swear) was still circling in cyberspace and was 12 minutes overdue.
I answer . . . only to hear a recording that someone will be right with me...what??!!
"What?! Wait a sec. You called me!" I declared into the vacuum.

The reply thanked me for my patience and informed me that someone will be with me momentarily.

"You don't understand." I shouted into the silent abyss. "You called me. I wait when I call you. When you call me, you wait!"

A cordial voice thanked me for my patience once again and I waited patiently, meanwhile thinking of the three best reasons that my payment was late.